Twelve Step Program
by Saravis
Summary: JD...Pure romantic fluff...Donna's Mom aka Dolly Levi comes for a visit. Complete
1. One

Disclaimers: I don't own them, blah, blah, blah. If you really want to sue me for all I've got, you can have the three pennies I found in the couch yesterday and my coupon for free French fries at McDonald's.  
  
A/N: I wrote this fic way back in the days of S2. Sam, Ainsley and Mrs. L are all mentioned/in this fic. I tried going back and updating it, but it just didn't flow the same way. So, I hope you guys don't mind, and that you enjoy going back to S2!  
  
I have been trying hard all day to come up with a good metaphor for how I feel right now. I've finally come to the conclusion, after three cups of tea and two Judy Garland movies, that there really isn't one. I'm just Donnatella Moss: A woman alone. A single entity. A lonely...oh forget it.  
  
I'm tired of being deep and eloquent. Or at least trying to be deep and eloquent.  
  
Here's the deal. You've all heard it before, so feel free to take a bathroom break. I am in love with my boss.  
  
Yeah I know you all are bowled over with shock.  
  
It took me three years to figure it out. Hence, the deep thoughts, cups of tea and Judy Garland movies. (Cause Judy never fails to cheer me up.) I figure, it must have happened in stages.  
  
Stage one: Josh scares the hell out of me. Stay out of his way, and he won't bellow.  
  
Stage two: Ok, avoiding him doesn't make the bellowing go away. I'll just sort of melt into the framework.  
  
Stage three: Screw melting into the framework. My boss is a tyrant, if he doesn't let up soon, I'm going to tell him to shove it.  
  
Stage four: Just told Josh where he can put the blue folder; I think I lost my job.  
  
Stage five: Oh, he was kidding. Hey, this bantering thing is fun. Next time, I'll tell him where to put the coat rack.  
  
Stage six: I like work and my boss, though he makes me work unholy hours.  
  
Stage seven: Josh is with another woman. I don't care. He can do whatever he wants.  
  
Stage eight: Like hell he can!  
  
Stage nine: Why am I so jealous?  
  
Stage ten: Oh, I'm in love with my boss.  
  
Stage eleven: If I wait long enough, he'll realize he loves me too.  
  
Stage twelve: Josh is a bastard. I'm through with him.  
  
I'm almost through all the steps. Which really sucks, cause now I'm wallowing in self-pity. And the worst part is, only an hour ago, I was still on step ten. How did I advance so quickly? It's all because of my mother. No, I don't blame all my problems on my mother; this really is her fault. Allow me to enlighten you.  
  
Most people when they see me, and hear I'm from Wisconsin, for some reason they like to think that my parents are either republican, hate the way I live my life or both.  
  
They couldn't be more wrong.  
  
My parents have always been very accepting, and really didn't care what my two older brothers and I did. As long as we didn't get arrested, maimed or dead, my parents supported us through everything. When my brother John was 7, his dream was to go to New York and put on shows with Liza Minelli. My parents humored him, and eventually he decided that the stage was not for him, and that he would rather be an accountant. When I quit school to help Dr. Freeride, my parents couldn't have been more furious with me, but they never said anything negative to me. And when I dumped him, they supported me. They are staunch democrats, and when they found out I was working for Bartlet's campaign, it was like I had given them grandchildren. So what's wrong with my parents you say? Guess what their names are. Come on, take a stab at it. Ok fine, I'll tell you.  
  
They are Joshua and Donnatella Moss. How completely freakish and inhuman is that one? I was named after my mother, (go figure) and her side of the family enjoys odd names. My dad's side only names their children after ancestors, so I got the best of both worlds. This is the kicker though. They met Josh once at my birthday party, (they came all the way from Wisconsin just to spend my 29th birthday with me) and are convinced that it was fate he hired me.  
  
I just think it's freakish and inhuman.  
  
So what do my parents, more specifically my mother, have to do with the Joshua Lyman 12-step program? Plenty. First of all, she wants to come and visit me. Nothing special there. Second of all, my mother wants to play matchmaker. I know her. When she calls out of the blue asking about Josh one minute, and planning a trip to DC the next, you know something's up.  
  
Oh yeah. And Josh is a bastard because my mother is shoving him on me like yesterday's meatloaf. Not to mention the fact that he loves my mother as much as she loves him. Let's also not forget to mention that I love him, and he could give a rat's patoot about me. Isn't life just grand? 


	2. Two

My weekend of wallowing in self-pity really didn't help me much, considering Dolly Levi will be blowing into town on Thursday. My only hope is that some really critical piece of legislation that requires Josh's undivided attention will pop up between now and Thursday. I had just finished praying for some kind of republican coup d'etat, when Toby came through the bullpen whistling. Toby was whistling. I think hell just froze over.  
  
"Toby, is everything ok? You're, um, whistling." My incredibly arrogant, self- centered boss asks.  
  
"Josh, I think this is going to be one of the lightest work weeks we have ever had." Toby continues to spout political jargon, as I sit at my desk wallowing.  
  
My mother is coming into town in 4 days, and the White House Gods decide to make this a light week. Wonderful. I need to think of a way to keep my mother away from Josh. I need a compatriot. An ally. An accomplice.  
  
CJ once complimented my criminal mind. I think it's time I returned the favor.  
  
I plopped myself down on CJ's couch, and swung my legs up next to me. "Hey CJ."  
  
"Hey Donna." she looked up from the papers she was reading and smiled. "What can I do for you?"  
  
"CJ, have I ever told you..."  
  
"Donna, I owe your for my 'potpourri kitty.' What can I do?"  
  
"I need you to help me keep my mother away from Josh."  
  
CJ looked at me from over her glasses. "Does your mother have an affinity for arrogant, middle- aged men with egos that require their own zip code?"  
  
"No, but she thinks I do. My mother is on her way here to play matchmaker. She wants to hook me up with Josh."  
  
CJ stood up so fast her chair shot back and slammed into the wall. "Carol!"  
  
"What's wrong CJ? Was it something I said?" I say innocently.  
  
"Oh don't start that with me! This is a light work week. Light! I am not going to spend it coming up with ways to break the news to the press that you are involved with Josh Lyman."  
  
"Well, in a way..."  
  
"I heard nothing! Nothing!" CJ is yelling now. Carol popped her head in the office. "Get me a list of all the asinine tasks you can come up with. Donna, if you'll excuse me, I have to go think up some things for Josh to do this week."  
  
"No problem CJ." I say easily, feeling very satisfied with myself. I left CJ's office feeling secure in the knowledge that Josh and my mother would never be in the same room.  
  
Let me give you a tip: never underestimate the criminal mind. I made that mistake. CJ is really much more devious than she appears. If I had gone back to CJ's office an hour later, I would have found her, Carol and Sam on the phone with my mother, plotting my dream date with Josh.  
  
However, I remained blissfully ignorant of all this. Never underestimate the criminal mind my friend. Cause it works both ways. 


	3. Three

T-minus 2 hours until Operation Hortense goes into effect. (What? No one would ever suspect something called "Operation Hortense to be a plot to out- maneuver my mother and Josh.) CJ came up with many tasks for Josh, some of which were particularly devious. I couldn't have done it better if I had been orchestrating the whole thing myself. I will pick my mother up from the airport, (my dad refuses to travel during the NBA playoffs. Just one of the many eccentricities that make my father special) and take the long way back to the White House. While I am gone, Leo will pile the work on Josh. Work that will make him run from bullpen to sprawling bullpen. Thus, he and my mother will never meet. That was the original plan.  
  
Of course, nothing went right. I was later to learn that Operation Hortense was doomed from the start. I, however, was completely oblivious to CJ's behind the scenes work. Therefore, when seemingly legitimate work mysteriously popped up, 20 minutes before I had to pick up my mom, I simply cursed the White House Gods for once again foiling my plans. Amazingly, this extremely important assignment only affected Josh's office, because Sam was somehow able to pick my mother up from the airport while I was lost in a sea of index cards and flow charts.  
  
My feeble hopes that CJ would still be able to keep my mother away from Josh were dashed as I saw Sam lead Mrs. Donnatella Moss proudly into Josh's office.  
  
"Donna, I went to get your mom for you." Sam said with a big smile on his face.  
  
"Really, I don't see why anyone needed to pick me up in the first place." my mother explained "I would have been perfectly fine taking a cab here. I don't know why you fuss over me so, Donna. Sam took good care of me, even though when he took my suitcase I thought he was mugging me." Sam turned bright red.  
  
"Your mom swings a mean handbag, Donna." Sam said sheepishly as he rubbed his arm.  
  
My mother just smiled at Sam and gave me a kiss on my cheek. "And who is this handsome young man?" my mother winked at Josh. "Josh, I swear you get more adorable each time I see you. Did you get the treats I sent you?"  
  
"You sent Josh treats? You never send me treats!" Wonderful. My mother is sending Josh treats.  
  
"Well, he just loved my cooking so much the last time I was here I had to send him some of my special rum balls. With extra rum." my mother grinned.  
  
"They were delicious Mrs. Moss." Josh beamed.  
  
"Now what did I say the last time you called me Mrs. Moss?" my mother said in a mock serious tone.  
  
"That if I ever called you Mrs. Moss again, you would make me regret the day I was born a man."  
  
"He's a smart boy, that one! Now don't forget again! You call me Donna for the rest of my visit. Or even better, call me mom." My mother grinned deviously.  
  
"He'll call you Donna." I interjected before Josh could answer. My mother just smiled at me. "Do you want to go see CJ, mom?" I have to get her away from Josh.  
  
"I will in a moment. I want to talk to Joshua for awhile first."  
  
"Hi Donna!" CJ suddenly appeared at the door.  
  
"Hi CJ." my mother and I answered simultaneously.  
  
"Oh dear." my mother looked worried. "This could get confusing. I'll just go by mom for the rest of my visit. Is that ok Donna dear?"  
  
Wonderful.  
  
"Well, mom," CJ grinned at me. Not a good sign. "I was about to say you and Josh will have plenty of time to catch up, as we're all taking you out to dinner tonight."  
  
CJ is just grinning at me, as I glare at her. Never underestimate the criminal mind, my friends. It will come back and bite you on the ass.  
  
"Oh! How lovely!" my mother looks so happy, that I forget to be mad for a minute. She loves to spend time with my friends. I think it helps her feel better about aging. "The girls in my poker group taught me this new drinking game. We'll have to play it tonight. And I just want you to know, I can drink them all under the table." Did I say that my mom hangs out with my friends to feel younger? Sometimes I forget that I'm talking about my mother.  
  
"Wow Donna!" Sam looks considerably impressed. "You didn't tell me you mom was a one woman frat party! It must be fun having her for a mom." he looked at my mom wistfully.  
  
"Why thank you dear." my mother says calmly. "I'll be your pretend mom for the rest of the visit, how does that sound." Sam is positively glowing. The rest of the senior staff is favorably impressed with my mom. Even CJ a.k.a traitor to the sisterhood.  
  
I can't wait for this visit to end. 


	4. Four

I have officially entered hell. Right now, I am in a restaurant with my mother and members of the White House Senior Staff. My mother insists on telling them every single embarrassing thing I ever did as a child. Of course, they all find this incredibly amusing. "...and then of course, there was the time Donna got a marble stuck up her nose. Her brothers were shoving marbles up their noses, and then blowing them out. Donna decided that she wanted to do this too, so she shoves a big one up her right nostril. Now when Donna was little, for some reason, she hated to blow her nose. So when she shoved the marble up in there, she wouldn't blow her nose to get it out. Well, I had to take her to the emergency room, and she was crying her little eyes out. She was afraid she would never smell again, and that she would have an ugly nose for the rest of her life. It was adorable really, but at the time I was so mad at her!" my mother laughs along with the rest of the senior staff. Thank you once again, mom for embarrassing me in front of my friends. "Well, I think I've embarrassed Donna enough for one night." Damn right you have mommy dear. "Donnatella may have gotten herself into scrapes, but she's an angel compared to Joshua over there! Oh, the things he put his mother through!"  
  
Josh turns bright red. "You have nothing on me." Nice try, Sparky. My mother knows all.  
  
"Oh you forget dear, I'm good friends with your mother. We tell stories about our children all the time!" Things are now starting to get interesting. "Do you remember the time your friends dared you to run down the street naked, and then the cops brought you home? You were about 15 I think." my mother winks at me, and smiles kindly at Josh.  
  
Josh looks like he wants to curl up and die. "I-I seem to recall something like that happening."  
  
"It gets worse." CJ, Sam and Toby share significant looks, and lean in closer. "You see, the police officer that brought Josh home was little Rebecca Martin's father, the girl who Josh had asked to homecoming. So you can imagine what happened when Josh came to pick her up, and her father answered the door." I can't believe that I was dreading my mother's visit.  
  
How is it that only half an hour ago, my mother was mocking Josh Lyman, and now she's pushing us together? It's amazing really. "Donna, may I speak with you a moment?" my mother snuck up behind me as we were leaving.  
  
This can't be good. "Sure mom, what's going on?"  
  
"Well, I was wondering if you would mind if CJ gave me a ride home?"  
  
This is really not good. "It's ok with me. Can I ask why?"  
  
"Well, CJ wanted to take me on a night tour of DC."  
  
Nice try, mommy. You'll have to do better. "Can't I do that?"  
  
"Yes dear, but you have to take Joshua home. He doesn't look so good."  
  
Josh was lying on the sidewalk carrying on a conversation with an oil spot. This will not work mother. "Why can't Sam or Toby take him home?" When all else fails, whine.  
  
"Sam is also pretty toasted dear, and Toby has graciously offered to take him home."  
  
Sam heard the last part of my exchange with my mother. "Wait, Josh gets to be taken home by Donna, and I have to go with Toby?" he looked as if he were about to cry.  
  
"You hear that Mr. Oil? Joshua gets to go home with pretty Donnatella, and Samuel gets stuck with ugly Toby." Josh looked pleased with himself for making what he considered an intelligent remark.  
  
"If you weren't to drunk to stand and carrying on a discussion with an oil spot on the sidewalk, I would kick you from here to the Federated States of Micronesia." Toby yells at Josh as he pushes Sam into a cab.  
  
"Hey Joshy! Call me tomorrow, and give me the play by play!" Sam yells from the cab.  
  
"Ok, Sammy! Will do!" Josh yells back.  
  
"Idiots. I work with idiots." CJ mutters.  
  
"Hey, I wouldn't cast stones Ms. Traitor to the Sisterhood." I give CJ a pointed look. CJ just looks incredibly amused.  
  
"Donna dear, I'm sure that whatever CJ did, she did it with the best intentions. And I'm certain that it has nothing to do with the fact the Sam and Josh are idiots. Now, get into the cab. CJ and I will help Josh get in." my mother beams at CJ, as the two of them lift an inebriated Josh off the pavement.  
  
"Bye bye Mr. Oil Spit! Hah! I called Mr. Oil Spot Mr. Oil Spit!" Josh laughs hysterically, and waves goodbye to the oil spot. CJ and my mom just roll their eyes and share a look. Somehow, I think there is more to this than meets the eye. For starters, CJ and my mom are way too buddy- buddy. I do not like where this is going. CJ has one of the greatest criminal minds known to man, second only to my mother.  
  
And right now they are both pushing Josh into my cab. I should be happy that I have CJ and my mother's blessing if you will, but none of that matters, cause Josh more interested in Mr. Oil Spot than me. I'm only going to get hurt. I know this. How do I know? Two words: Dr. Freeride. No, I most certainly do not like where this is going. "Donna, your mom is the best!" Josh says as the cab pulls away. I roll my eyes and look out the back window, only to see my mom and CJ share an enthusiastic high-five. Did I mention that I don't like where this is going? 


	5. Five

Disclaimer: See part one for all your disclaimer fun. Hey that rhymes!  
  
A/N: Sorry I haven't updated in awhile! I was having issues accessing the file that I had the whole beginning of my story saved in, and I only just got to open it now. I'm really sorry, cause I know how annoying it is when you're in the middle of a fic, and then the author refuses to update. So I'm sorry if I've caused you any lingering emotional damage. Enjoy!  
  
I need to go home and think. Instead, I'm sitting in a cab with Josh, outside his apartment."But Donna! I wanna go home with you. Your apartment smells better."  
  
"No, Josh. This is your apartment. You have to stay here." I am not in the mood for dealing with a drunken Josh. I'm at the point right now where I could use a few drinks myself.  
  
"Donna! Come on! I know your roommate isn't home. Please?" Josh gives me the puppy dog look. Damn the man. He's drunk, and he still knows how to win me over. "I promise not to drink anymore...tonight."  
  
I give up. I can think after Josh falls asleep and or passes out on my couch. "Fine Josh. You can sleep on my couch." I pat him on the head, and he smiles up at me like a lost dog who has just found his way home.  
  
"Donna, you are the nicest, most prettiest, you know...woman." And this, ladies and gentleman is your government at work.  
  
The ride from Josh's apartment to my own only takes a few minutes, but tonight it seemed to take hours. Josh refused to behave himself, no matter how much I begged him. He insisted on hanging out the cab window, while belting show tunes with made up words. Very out of key show tunes with made up words."Hello young lovers who drink at the bar, you guys have really nice shoes. I get to go home with Donna tonight, and all of the cows, they go moo."  
  
"Josh, if you must sing please sing quietly, and stay in your seat! And for the love of all that is sane and holy, sing the right words!" My head is pounding, and the cab driver is giving me sympathetic looks in the rear- view mirror.  
  
"But Donna," Josh looks at me seriously, "those are the right words. I guess you don't like Rodgers and Hammerstein. I know! Frank Loesser!" He grins at me for a moment, then breaks into a window-cracking rendition of "Luck Be A Lady". I am in hell. There is no other word to describe it. Although, Josh's encyclopedic knowledge of show tunes has provided me with more bantering material. But I'm still in hell.  
  
Somehow I managed to get Josh out of the cab, and into my apartment. The cab driver gave me a pitying look as I paid him."Lady, if I were you, I wouldn't let him drink anymore. Some men just can't hold their liquor, and your boyfriend is one of them." The cab driver advised me before driving off.  
  
Wait, what the hell? Josh isn't my boyfriend? Why would he think Josh is my boyfriend? I mean, I'm just taking him home to my apartment after he drank himself...Oh my God. I think I need a drink. A big one. 


	6. Six

I need to sit down and think. I need to take all of the jumble in my head, and make it coherent. I should make a list. Josh passed out on my couch almost as soon as he got in the door. One minute he was mumbling the words to "Tradition" the next he was out cold. I went off to get ready for bed, leaving the door cracked so I could hear if Josh yelled at my roommate's cats, or even worse, my neighbors. Now, I can think. I've been avoiding it, but now I have to. A list. I should make a list. But what if someone found it? Aha! I'll write it in code. Well hello, brain, I was wondering when you'd show up. Ok, so on the pro side...the pro side of what? What is the question? Maybe, I should stick to thinking for the time being. For some reason, CJ used me like a Kleenex. I was merely a pawn in the larger plot, whatever it happens to be. Instead of turning the tables on my mother, she neatly turned the tables on me. The question is, why? Well now I have my question, but I have no idea what the answer could possibly be. Why do CJ and my mom want me to "shack up" with Josh? To quote the Bard, something is rotten in the state of Denmark. But I can't figure out what. So last night, between cursing my mother and CJ and attempting to discover their plot, I had an epiphany. Both of them must realize that I'm in love with Josh, and have decided that the only way I will get over him is to make me be with him. So I made up a neat little list (in my very clever code, I might add) weighing the pros and cons of being in love with and pursuing a relationship with Josh. And then, for good measure, I made up a list of reasons (also in code) of my CJ and my Mom are working together.  
  
But then I got some sleep, and realized how completely stupid my theory is. And taking their cue, the clouds of confusion once again settled in my brain. After stuffing my (unlabeled) lists in the nearest receptacle, I decided to undertake the task of Waking Josh Up. Josh had somehow managed to balance himself on the very edge of the couch, and was still completely asleep. It amazes me sometimes that he has gotten as far in life as he has."Hey, Ethel Merman! Rise and Shine!" I yell as I prod Josh with a wooden kitchen spoon.  
  
"I...what....who?" Josh mumbles as he wakes up. "Where am I? What happened to my apartment?" "And Josh Lyman shows of his extensive vocabulary."  
  
"Donna? Why are you in my apartment? And why does my apartment look funny?" Josh sits up slowly, a hand shielding his eyes from the sunlight.  
  
"First of all, Mr. "I can't hold my liquor" you're in my apartment. Second, you're in my apartment."  
  
"Oh." He lets this sink in for a minute. "What day is it?"  
  
"Saturday. And you gave me the day off so I can spend it with my mother." I had to deal with Josh: the Singing Deputy Chief of Staff last night. I deserve to get something out of this. Speaking of which, where is my mother? I never heard her come in last night.  
  
"Nuh-uh. I did not give you the day off. I remember that much."  
  
A light bulb just went on in my head. Seriously, lights are flashing on. I just came up with a plan. "You mean you don't remember last night at all?"  
  
"Nope, just your mom, and a lot of beer." he grinned at me.  
  
I wonder if I should take this as an opportunity to get CJ and my mom off my case. Or even better, turn the tables again. And it was that exact moment, that my criminal mind made an appearance."So, you don't remember what you said to CJ last night?" This is pure evil Donnatella Moss, pure evil.  
  
"No...what did I say to CJ?" Josh asks uncertainly.  
  
"You mean you don't remember declaring your love for her last night? You unbarred your heart to her!" Bad Donnatella! Bad!  
  
Josh looks like he's going to vomit, and I have a feeling that it's not just because of the insane amount of alcohol he consumed last night. "I told CJ I was in love with her?"  
  
"Yeah." CJ is gonna kill me, but then again I owe her a maiming, so it's only fair.  
  
"You're sure it was CJ and not..." he stops.  
  
"Not who?" Mandy? Ainsely? Mrs Landingham? Please, let it be Mrs. Landingham.  
  
"Never mind." Josh looks...well for once, I don't know how Josh looks. If I didn't know any better, I'd say he looked completely dejected. "I'd better get going. I gotta clean up before going in." "Alright, I'll see you there." I'd better be. There is much maiming to be done.  
  
"No, no. Spend time with your mom.""It's ok Josh, I don't mind coming in. Besides, my mom isn't even here." There is going to be one hell of a show, there's no way I'm giving up my ringside seat.  
  
"Really? I think I remember her coming in really early this morning." He remembers CJ dropping off my mom, but he doesn't remember anything that happened last night? Oh Joshua, you really are making this too easy for me. 


	7. Seven

I am sitting at my desk, waiting for the apocalypse while reading over my lists. I wish Josh would just go in CJ's office and get it over with. But then something wonderful happens.  
  
CJ walks into Josh's office.  
  
And she looks good today. Now, most other people who, you know have eyes, would realize that it was because Danny was finally back in the Press Room, after having been gone on a much-needed vacation.  
  
But poor deceived Josh had other thoughts. I grab a folder, and sneak up to Josh's door. I'm beginning to think that I really can be evil."Josh!" CJ says as she enters his office. "Did you know that..."  
  
Josh cuts her off. "Uh, hey CJ. Wow, you look, uh nice today."  
  
"Thanks. So do you."  
  
"I uh, I mean, yeah, um, thanks." Josh, Josh, Josh. Joshua, Josh, Josh. Once again, I am amazed that you work in the White House.  
  
"Right. So I was wondering if you had heard anything about..."  
  
"Look CJ I need to clear the air." Josh gets up from his desk, and starts pacing.  
  
"Okay. I didn't think there was anything that needed to be cleared...but go ahead."  
  
"Okay. About what I said last night. I didn't...well...know what I was saying last night, and I think there may have been some regrettable words...spoken."  
  
"Really? I didn't think there was anything regrettable. Except for that part on the sidewalk."  
  
"The sidewalk?" Swear to god, Josh's voice just got ten decibels higher. "Yeah. You were all over it. You even tried to get me to lie down with you. Josh, I think you need to learn how to control yourself when you're drunk. There are some things a girl just won't do. And that whole thing with you and Sam..." CJ just shakes her head. This is turning out better than I thought.  
  
"Me and SAM?!"Josh is screaming now. "First I declare my love to you, and then I declare it to Sam?"  
  
"Declare your love to me? Josh, are you feeling okay? Can I get you anything? Coffee? Crackers? A CAT scan?" CJ is on the verge of hysterical laughter.  
  
"Donna said that I declared my love to you." Josh says sulkily. Oh hell. "Oh Donna said that, did she?" CJ smirks. I did not think it was possible for CJ to smirk.  
  
"Yeah. And I just want you to know, I didn't mean it."  
  
"Well I'm so glad to know you care Josh." CJ says dryly.  
  
"I mean...I didn't..." Josh stutters.  
  
"I think Donna was attempting to use her well-known misdirection tactic on you. What really happened was, you declared your love for her."Kill. Maim. Destroy. Do all of the above to CJ.  
  
"I did?" Josh now sounds horrified. "But that's even worse than you!"  
  
I walk away at that point. I don't need to hear the list of reasons why Josh would rather say he is in love with CJ than me. Frankly, I don't think I can take it at this point. I think about the lists I made last night. The number one reason on the pro side had been "Because I love him." I can feel my eyes filling with tears, and make a run for the bathroom, because I think I just heard my heart breaking in two.  
  
"Donna? I know you're in here. I saw you go running by." Margaret pokes her head into the bathroom .Donna, for once keep your big mouth shut. You need to think about this."Donna?" Margaret asks one more time before shrugging her shoulders, and leaving. Would you believe I'm sorry to see her go? It's just me, using my defense tactic. It's not unlike my well-known misdirection tactic. And here we go again, with the crying.  
  
"He's just a man Donnatella!" I tell myself angrily. "There is no point in making your life revolve around him. You aren't even his girlfriend, and he already has broken your heart." And with that depressing thought, I start sobbing again. I sit in my stall for a few more minutes, and let myself calm down. I need to compose myself enough to make reappearance in the bullpen without bursting into tears like a four-year-old at a birthday party gone awry. I look at myself in the mirror. Great, now I look like Rudolph the freaking red-nosed reindeer. Damn my alabaster skin. And while we're at it, damn Josh, beer and show tunes. I don't have the heart to send CJ and my mother into eternal damnation at this point. I find that damning people to hell can get very tiring. When I finally decide to venture back into the bullpen, I notice right away that Josh's door is closed, and that CJ's is wide open. CJ is in her office yelling at someone. Must be Danny. At least I'm not the only one who has to deal with the wrath of Claudia Jean today. But I soon discover, she's only yelling because he was away for so long.  
  
"So what you're saying is you missed me." Danny grins at CJ.  
  
"Danny, I never once used the word 'miss.' It was just inconvenient for me, because I had no one to leak my stories too."  
  
"CJ, do you know how many reporters are in the White House Press Room?" Danny smiles..  
  
"Shut up." CJ says. I move away at that point. CJ and Danny have this bantering thing not unlike the one I have with...And my eyes start welling up again. Get a hold of yourself, Donna. This is precisely why a relationship with him is a bad idea. Just go back to work and keep yourself busy. And then tonight, plan a date with the two men who will never let you down: Ben and Jerry. Josh is still in his office with the door closed. Do you know how badly I want to find out what is going on in there? It's becoming an addiction. And then, I remember that CJ's office connects to Josh's, and that she is now on her way to a briefing. I run like hell for CJ's office, close the door, and put my ear up to the connecting door. You know how in movies, they always put a water glass up against the door so they can hear what's going on? Well, it doesn't work. Of course, it could have something to do with the fact that I am using an old coffee mug.  
  
And now that I have gone completely off topic, let's return the good people to the problem at hand. I'm trying my hardest to hear what's going on, when the outer door opens. I don't realize anyone has come in, until I hear a voice right above my head."Donna? What are you doing in here?" Sam asks.  
  
"Nothing but your run of the mill spying."I answer him. "Wanna help?"  
  
"Sure. Who are we spying on?"  
  
"Josh."  
  
Sam pales. "Um Donna? Are you sure? I mean, he might be having an important conversation..."  
  
"Oh really?" I respond to this singularly un-Sam comment. "Are you the same Sam Seaborn who was willing to help Josh on his covert operation to steal Mrs. Landingham's cookies?"  
  
Sam's face goes from white to red in seconds. "That was...different. We were really hungry. And please never mention that again." What Sam didn't mention was that he and Josh had been caught, literally, with their hands in the cookie jar. Josh had made a run for it, and left Sam to take the fall. Mrs. Landingham gave him a strict talking to, and suggested perhaps Sam needed professional help for his "problem."  
  
"Don't you think this is a good time to get your revenge Sam?" Nothing like bringing revenge into it.  
  
"Well, as tempting as it sounds Donna, I think we'd better let your mom handle this one...I mean...uh-oh." Sam's face goes white again.  
  
My mother is in the office with Josh. My mother. What the hell?"Sam, why is my mother in Josh's office?" I ask.  
  
"I uh, I don't know. I gotta go Donna. I have an important meeting...of the government...right now." and Sam gets out of there faster than a bat out of hell. I give up. If Josh wants to pour his heart out to my mother, let him. Go on Josh, tell her how much you hate the idea of being in love with me. Tell my mommy just how you feel about me. That you think I'm a dependable assistant with horrible taste in men. That you hate the idea of my dating anyone. That...Well that can be taken two different ways. But say anything bad about me to my mom, and she will open up a can of whoop-ass on you. And after she's done, I'll finish the job. What are they talking about in there? 


	8. Eight

Disclaimers: I don't own them. I never will. All my fellow fic writers are welcome to lament this with me.  
  
Donna is in love with me.  
  
I mean, Donna is in love with me.  
  
Me. Not any of those local gomers she dates, me.  
  
How cool is that?  
  
How do I know she is in love with me? Because CJ, amazing woman that she is, gave me proof.  
  
See, Donna has this adorable, and well, irritating habit of making lists for everything. And she made a list of reasons why she should and shouldn't pursue a relationship with me. It was in "code" but anyone can figure it out.  
  
And reason number one on the pro side is "because I love him."  
  
I really don't believe this is happening.  
  
But what if she didn't mean me. I mean, Donna used misdirection on me, what if CJ did the same? What if she doesn't care?  
  
I need to talk to someone.  
  
Donna's mom. She'll know.  
  
"Mrs. Moss...I mean mom." I correct myself quickly. "I have a hypothetical question for you."  
  
"Shoot." she grins at me and pulls a diet coke from her bag. "I'll bet I know what it is."  
  
"Well, see, I have this friend."  
  
"You have a friend! Oh how nice for you dear!" Mrs. Moss winks.  
  
I choose to ignore Mrs. Moss's sense of humor. Must be where Donna gets it from. "And well, he's in love with this girl." Here is the master politician at work.  
  
"Why don't you tell me who this friend is Josh. I won't tell." she leans in closer. "Is it Sam?"  
  
Sam! Brilliant! "Uh, yeah, how'd you guess?"  
  
Mrs. Moss just smiles at me. "I know everything Josh." There's something about the way she says that phrase that is very unsettling to me.  
  
"So anyway, he's in love with this girl, and he thinks she loves him but he's not sure."  
  
"Ah, the classic conundrum. Continue dear."  
  
"But you see, there are some...other problems attached."  
  
"Let me guess, they work together."  
  
This woman is starting to scare me. "Yeah."  
  
"Well Josh, here's what I think. I think your friend should go for it." Then she gives me this weird look. "Joshua dear, I'm going to be very candid for a moment and give you some advice. Make sure your friend is sure that this is what he really wants. Because, I won't let him make her cry twice, you understand me."  
  
"Yes, I do." I think I understand more than I want to.  
  
"Don't let the wrinkles fool you, Sparky, I know Tae-Bo." Mrs. Moss grins at me again. "But I think we understand each other." She gets up and walks towards the door. Just before opening it, she turns to me. "Welcome to the family Josh, even if it only is for a little while."  
  
Holy hell. She saw through me like a open door.  
  
But it's nice to know I have her blessing. 


	9. Nine

I once said I was impervious. That no matter what Josh said, it wouldn't affect me at all. I lied. Here I am, sitting in my apartment, eating Ben and Jerry's and watching whatever is on TV, while my mother is out on the town. I think CJ senses that something is wrong. When she offered to take my mother out to dinner, I think I gave her frostbite from my icy glare. I didn't really listen to her, but she said something about us needing to talk when she got back. She can talk; I will maintain my icy composure. This is precisely why I didn't want to fall in love with Josh. I knew I was just going to end up sitting alone in my apartment, crying because he said he loves me like a sister. I wish he loved me like a woman. But, of course, Josh probably never even sees me that way. He probably only thinks of me as "Donnatella-the faithful assistant." Josh obviously never reads much, because if he did, he would soon discover that in most cases, the faithful assistant is in love with her employer. And sometimes, the employer is in love with the faithful assistant. But, alas, it is too much to hope for. So, I'm back to gorging myself on Ben and Jerry's Chunky Monkey, while watching some ridiculous political show on TV. I mean seriously, like that stuff happens in the White House. And then the guy playing the Deputy Chief of Staff comes on screen, and I completely lose it. It was then that CJ and my mom decided to come home.  
  
"Donna? Are you okay?" My mother sits down next to me, and starts cuddling me the way she used to when I was little.  
  
"I'm fine...just...TV...and..." The Deputy Chief of Staff walks across the screen again, and I start sobbing harder.  
  
CJ is watching the TV, and I think she just figured out what is going on. "Donna, I need to talk to you. Why don't we go have a chat in your room and your mom can make some tea." CJ gives my mom a look.  
  
"Yes dear, go on with CJ, and I'll get everything set."  
  
She gives me another hug, before bolting into the kitchen. I follow CJ into my room, sobbing all the way. "Donna, I think I know what's going on here." CJ says as she closes the door to my room.  
  
"Of course you do! This is all your fault Ms. "I'm going to turn the tables on Donna and hook her up with Josh!" So much for my icy composure.  
  
CJ gives me a wry look. "I'd better start from the beginning. Donna, your mother has this idea that you and Josh belong together, and as much as I dislike the idea from a PR standpoint, I have to agree with her."  
  
Say what?  
  
"The last time your mom was here, she hatched a plan to get you and Josh to fall in love with each other. That being already accomplished, she then proceeded to think of a plan to get you two to realize you are in love with each other."  
  
I think I must have hit my head, cause I think CJ just said Josh is in love with me.  
  
"I agreed to help her so that I could make sure that things were handled right. I didn't want some extremely nosy member of the press finding out that you and Josh were sleeping together."  
  
I snap out of my reverie long enough to pick up on something. "That nosy member of the press wouldn't happen to be Danny?"  
  
CJ blushes. "This is not about me and Danny."  
  
"Oh, so there's a you and Danny?"  
  
"Donna!" CJ looks half-embarrassed and half-frustrated. "I'm just saying that you shouldn't completely rule out the idea of a relationship with Josh."  
  
"CJ, are you saying what I think you're saying?" I'm hallucinating. I cried so hard, that I'm hearing things.  
  
"I think that you better go over those lists again." CJ grins at me. My lists? But I threw my lists out in the trash... "CJ you went through my garbage?" I think I underestimated CJ's criminal mind again.  
  
"Well, I came by to pick up your mom today, and I accidentally knocked over your trash can." CJ actually looks a little sheepish. "Then I think I may have accidentally left them on Josh's desk." She grins at me. "Do me a favor though. If it's a girl, name your first born Claudia."  
  
For once in my life, I am completely speechless. 


	10. Ten

Disclaimers: I don't own them. If I did, Mrs. L would still be giving out cookies to everyone. In my world, she still is.  
  
A/N: Thank you to all five of you that reviewed! It makes me so unbelievably happy to know that a) people are reading and b) that there are people who actually like my writing! You guys rule! And now I have a small confession to make. Ahem, see, like I said in part one, I wrote this fic way back in the days of S2 when Mrs. L was still doing her thing, and Sam hadn't left because he got his own series. So, actually this fic has been finished for awhile. Why am I tormenting you by drawing it out? That's where my ego comes in. See, my twisted thought process was that I would update to keep bumping it up so people would R/R. Yes, I am evil. (The really long period without updates was because the disk I had the first 8 parts saved on was evil, and wouldn't let me access the file, but I finally figured it out.) So feel free to yell at me for denying you J/D goodness. And now, on with the fic! (Don't hurt me please!)  
  
A cold draft seems to be coming up through my floor. Why you ask? The answer is simple.  
  
Hell just froze over.  
  
Or, rather as my friend Sarah always says, hell has frozen over, thawed, and subsequently frozen over again.  
  
I'm a bit confused here. Not only that, my head is aching from all that crying.  
  
Now, see, most people would be happy to find out that the person they are in love with is in love with them too. So why, you may ask yourself, does my head ache from crying?  
  
What do I look like, some kind of know-it-all emotional specialist? When CJ told me Josh was in love with me, I thought my heart was going to break. Yeah, I know I'm sick and twisted, but that's how it is.  
  
See, I don't want to be with Josh. Yet.  
  
I've been thinking about this in my head for a really long time, which, you know is really smart of me. (Ah, sarcasm, how I adore thee.) I've planned out exactly what I was going to say to Josh, the day he unbarred his heart to me, telling me I'm the only one for him. Of course, all of this was preceded by a very long courtship where Josh lavished me with love and attention.  
  
He had to make me love him first. That's the problem. Obviously, I love him more than anything in the world, and sometimes I wonder if I could ever live without him. But it's all too easy for him.  
  
Josh is an incredibly brilliant man. He never had to struggle through school and he always knew what he wanted to do with his life.  
  
I almost failed math in high school, and changed majors so many times in college that I could barely remember what my major of the month was.  
  
So call me, sick, twisted, insane or demented. Josh has to make me fall in love with him, because frankly, after what I've been through this week, I could use a little attention.  
  
Now, this is the major turning point of the battle. Do I entrust CJ and my mom in my plan, thus employing the two greatest criminal minds known to man in my scheme? But at the same time, I risk them leaking information to Josh. Or should I leave them in the dark and work alone, knowing all the time that they are working against me?  
  
Oh how I loathe a catch 22.  
  
Well, if I clue them in, at least I can labor under the delusion that someone is on my side.  
  
"CJ. Mom. I have a plan."  
  
"Oh that's nice dear. Are you going to tell us what it is?" My mother hands me a mug of tea.  
  
"Well, see, I want Josh to make me fall in love with him."  
  
"Um, Donna? Can I clear up something here?" CJ gives me a puzzled look. "You already love him."  
  
"Yeah, but see, he doesn't know that. I want to be wooed."  
  
CJ chokes back something that could be considered a laugh. "Well, see, slight problem there..."  
  
That's right. My plan. My beautiful, beautiful plan is ruined now because CJ the Relationship Guru gave Josh my damn lists. "Fix it. CJ, please, for the love of all that in sane and holy, fix it."  
  
For once in her life, CJ looks completely at loss for a plan. I sat there glaring at her, until my mother said quietly, "You know Donna, I did happen to glance over you lists, and there's nothing there that could really lead Josh to believe it was he you were thinking of. There are no mentions of coffee, or any kind of personal joke between the two of you. The only reason why he thought it was about him, was because we told him it was."  
  
I love you mommy. "So...wait! Wait! It's coming to me...." CJ and my mom look at me expectantly, as the plan forms in my brain. "We could pretend there were two sets of lists! And that one was about, um, my brother! And the other, platonic one, was about Josh." Ye gads, that was easy! Now for my next trick...  
  
"Um, Donna. I have another question." CJ looks really confused. "You love Josh, right?"  
  
"Right." You're a smart woman, CJ.  
  
"And Josh loves you, right?"  
  
"I think so."  
  
"So, why are we making up this plan?"  
  
I launch into my whole theory behind this, as CJ and my mom exchange glances. "Donna, don't you think you're making this a little too complicated?" My mother asks, as she wanders off to the kitchen to get more cookies.  
  
"Well, maybe, but the point is..."  
  
"I get the point! You want to play hard to get." CJ hisses at me, so my mom won't hear.  
  
"Gee CJ, when you put it like that, it doesn't sound half so elegant." I hiss back.  
  
"Donna, for once in your life, just make things easy."  
  
"But it's not supposed to end like this!" I suddenly shout out. "It's supposed to be all romantic, with Josh realizing he loves me through a stroke of fate. But he's unsure of my love, and feels like he has to make me love him. There's supposed to be sexual tension!" My God, I think I've lost it.  
  
"Donna, what the hell do you think has been going on for the last three years!" CJ gives me this exasperated look, before collapsing on the couch in frustration.  
  
Huh? "I...I don't understand." Yeah, I really don't understand.  
  
"Donna, don't you realize that for the past three years, sexual tension has been overflowing from Josh's office into the bullpen? This is not a new revelation, at least on his part, though I'm inclined to think on yours too."  
  
"So, what you're saying is, I have been...wooed?"  
  
"Well, yeah, in a way, I guess."  
  
"Then how come I don't feel like it."  
  
"Donna..."  
  
"No, really CJ. What has Josh done that is overly romantic?" I'm actually getting angry.  
  
"You want the list in alphabetical order?" CJ grins at me.  
  
"Not unless it starts with 'F' for fish." I snap back.  
  
CJ suddenly turns deep red. "Or 'F' for flowers."  
  
Now it's my turn to turn red. "Doesn't count. It was the wrong month."  
  
"Which makes it all the more sweet." She grins. Fine two can play this game.  
  
"Fish food." I hurl at her.  
  
"A book on skiing, complete with personal message." she retorts effortlessly.  
  
"An offer to take you to a basketball game and explain it in a patronizing manner."  
  
"He gets jealous when you go out with other men."  
  
"He kisses you in your office, and makes you walk into a door."  
  
"Hey! I told you that in the strictest confidence, not so you could use it against me!" CJ pauses. "Shows up at your apartment drunk."  
  
"That's not romantic, it's annoying." I comment. "Flirts with you just to flirt with you."  
  
"Insists on coming home with you, while serenading you with show tunes."  
  
"I can keep going CJ." I warn.  
  
"In the words of Oliver Babbish, 'Bring it on." CJ replies. The two of us are glaring at each other from across the room, as my mother comes in.  
  
"Girls, girls, girls! Enough of this pettiness! CJ, Danny is very romantic, and I may say, adorable. Donna, Josh is exactly the same. Now, what are we going to do about Donnatella? 


	11. Eleven

Disclaimer: Yeah, I so don't own them. I'm like the babysitter: I just come over and play with the kids while Aaron and Tommy have a romantic dinner and catch a movie.  
  
A/N: In case you get confused (like myself) the lovely little asterisks **** signify a change in POV.  
  
Well, lets hope that this time my intricately engineered plan goes the way I want it to. Josh will try to make me fall in love with him, and of course I will, and the two of us be happy together for as long as we both shall live.  
  
Skipping a few steps there, Donnatella?  
  
Right, so I'm back where I was yesterday (was it only yesterday?); sitting at my desk, "working" while CJ talks to Josh. The stupid door is closed, and I'm not spying like I did before. That just causes too many problems. Ok, CJ's been in there for awhile. She should be coming out anytime now.  
  
Just a few more minutes, and CJ'll be back with a full report.  
  
Must be they had to discuss business.  
  
When CJ finally decided to make an appearance, she didn't look so good. "Donna, let's go talk in my office." She said in a quiet voice. I follow her past Josh's office, and by force of habit (pure habit, I'm telling you) I look in. Josh has his head down on the desk, and if I didn't know any better, I'd say he was crying.  
  
"Donna, I hope you realize what you're doing." CJ says, closing the door to her office.  
  
"Don't worry CJ, everything is under control." Hah, good one Donna.  
  
"I told him I wouldn't tell you..." CJ starts  
  
"Tell me what?" This sounds much less than good.  
  
"Well, when I told Josh that the note wasn't really about him he...well...broke down."  
  
CJ, so help me, if you are trying to turn the tables on me again... "Broke down?"  
  
"It broke his heart to hear you didn't love him. I told him he has to make you love him, but he just sort of whimpered and said 'What's the point?'"  
  
The point? You want the point Joshua Lyman? If you loved me, you would pursue me, dammit! "Oh."  
  
"So, I'm thinking we need a new plan." CJ says, looking as though she were trying to hide a smile. CJ, I will hunt you down if you do this again...  
  
"Yeah, well, uh, I need to..." I gesture to the door.  
  
"Oh sure. Just, you know, get back to me."  
  
I should have known better. I should have known CJ was working against me. I should have deduced that there was more to this than meets the eye.  
  
********  
  
As soon as the door closes behind Donna, I pick up the phone. "Operation JDL is underway." I love code names.  
  
"Josh has agreed to cooperate?" Mom asks. "I have set up temporary HQ in Princeton's office. Are you taking care of dinner, Flamingo or am I."  
  
"Mother Goose, as much as I love you, the flamingo is a ridiculous looking bird."  
  
"Well, you're not ridiculous looking." Mom tells me.  
  
"I already told her that!" I hear Sam yell.  
  
"Besides, I happen to think of the flamingo as a very unique and regal looking bird."  
  
I love Donna's mom. Seriously, I'm thinking of joining her family. "Thank you Mother Goose. Yes, the Harvard Yankee Jackass has offered his support." Yeah, it's a mouthful, but it fits.  
  
"Perhaps we can think of a shorter name for Josh." Mom suggests.  
  
I pause for a minute. "No, I don't think so. Anyway, dinner is set for the two of them at...Carol! What's the name of that restaurant?"  
  
"Small problem there CJ." Carol said as she came running into my office. "They're booked solid. But I have another idea." As Carol outlines her plan, everything seems to fall into place. "Carol, you are brilliant. Remind me to have a statue erected in your honor."  
  
"Anytime, CJ." She grinned as she left my office.  
  
"Ok, Mother Goose, there's a slight change in plans. This is what Carol came up with..."  
  
**********  
  
CJ has been in her office for far too long. I saw Carol come running in and out with various papers and phone messages, but no CJ. Thus, I am very suspicious. If CJ was really pulling for me, she would have come out by now. I know this.  
  
"Donna!" CJ threw open her office door, and came running towards me. "I have a plan."  
  
Maybe my suspicion was unnecessary. Simply a reflex. That's all. Yes, a reflex. "What's the plan CJ."  
  
"First things first." She leans over so our eyes meet. "You have to trust me and do exactly what I say." I don't like the sound of that.  
  
"Ok." I say, with a lack of conviction.  
  
"Good. Now come with me, we have to get you ready for your date tonight."  
  
Date? I have a Date? "What date?" I ask as CJ drags me away from my desk.  
  
"You'll see. This is just the thing to get the two of you together at last."  
  
I don't like the sound of that. In fact, I probably would have disliked it even more, had I seen Josh standing in his doorway, smirking. 


	12. Twelve

Disclaimer: I don't own them, I just come over to play.  
  
I look like an ice cream cone.  
  
No, seriously, I look a demented bag of cotton candy. There's a reason why I never ever wear poofy clothing. Ever.  
  
Remind me to never again let Margaret pick out my clothing.  
  
"CJ, I look ridiculous in this thing."  
  
CJ looks up from some papers on her desk, and bursts out laughing. "Donna, what did they put you in?"  
  
"Margaret said it would make me look like a princess. I look like a Barbie who fell into the cotton candy machine."  
  
"Yeah, I would say that's a fair assessment." CJ looks me up and down. "I can fix this." She walks over to the intercom on her desk. "Carol, come quick! Donna's been attacked by a cotton candy machine..." The rest of CJ's sentence was cut off by a burst of hysterical laughter.  
  
"Fine." I say primly. "I can see I obviously came to the wrong place for help." I turn and walk out the door with my head high, only to get the skirt caught in the door. So much for my exit.  
  
"Hang on Donna, maybe I can get some of the carnies to help you out." CJ collapses in a fit of laughter again.  
  
I glare at CJ over my shoulder, and manage somehow to pull myself through the door.  
  
Of course that was stupid, because I walked right into Josh.  
  
"Donna?" Josh gives me a bewildered look. "What happened to you?"  
  
"It's nothing Josh. Margaret was just having some fun." I move to walk away.  
  
"It's just...you look like..."  
  
"Don't say it Josh. I've had to deal with Margaret, who is in Coco Chanel mode right now, CJ, who thinks I look like "Carnival Fun Barbie", and in a few moments, I will have to walk through the bullpen, and endure the comments of my so-called friends. So if you could just not say anything right now, I would really appreciate it." Was that a tear? You're cracking, Donnatella.  
  
"No problem Donna." Josh says as he starts to walk away. "I was just gonna say that you look like a princess."  
  
Pigs are flying through the tundra that is now hell.  
  
Why did I ever agree to let CJ help me? How did I even get to this point?  
  
Oh yeah. The Great Donnatella Moss Scheme of 2001. Hah.  
  
So here I am, sitting once again in CJ's office, waiting. I don't really know what I'm waiting for, I'm just waiting. CJ had coaxed me back into her office with promises of chocolate and free weekends. About five seconds after I got there, she got an "urgent telephone message" and ran out, yelling something to Carol about roses and a koi pond.  
  
At least I think that's what she said. I was busy trying to find a liquor cabinet.  
  
I'm sitting in an office that doesn't belong to me, wearing a hideous pink dress and drinking a flat can of Diet Coke. (it was all I could find.)  
  
How pathetic am I? I mean seriously, I have to be one of the saddest people ever to walk the face of the Earth--oh great and now CJ's phone is ringing. Figures.  
  
"Hello, CJ Cregg's office."  
  
"Donna? Is that you?"  
  
"Yes. Who is calling?"  
  
"Donna it's me, Sam." Sam sounded out of breath and a little edgy. "I need you to do me a huge favor."  
  
Do I have a sign on me somewhere that says human doormat? "What can I do for you?" Apparently so.  
  
"Can you run down to the First Lady's garden, and try to find CJ? It's really important that I speak to her, and I can't leave my office."  
  
"Why not?" Something is up and I want to know what it is.  
  
"Because Mom said...I mean...uh...I just can't." Nice recovery, Sam.  
  
"Sure Sam, whatever." I hang up the phone and stare at it for a minute. "This is it, and then I am going home. Date or no date."  
  
And for the second time in one day, my exit from CJ's office is hampered by my hideous dress. 


	13. Thirteen

Disclaimers: I didn't own them before, and I don't own them now.  
  
A/N: Here it is! The final chapter! Thanks to all of you who took the time to r/r-I really appreciate it! You guys rule.   
  
There are many gardens at the White House-way to many for me to keep track of. But there's a tiny one, hidden away in a corner that, for some reason, happens to be Dr. Bartlet's favorite. I've always loved it, I think because it strikes me as a sweet, romantic, spot. It's the perfect spot for a romantic tryst.  
  
And all of a sudden, it becomes clear to me-I've been set up. Figures.  
  
The garden is pitch black when I get there. If I was supposed to be "gotten out of the way" they could have at least given me some light. After trampling around like an elephant for a few minutes, in an attempt to find someplace to sit, I finally give up and sit on the ground.  
  
This sucks. If I thought I was pathetic before...well let's just say this has given a whole new dimension to my definition of pathetic.  
  
And that was the exact moment the twinkle lights turned on.  
  
"Smooth move, dimwit." I hear CJ say. "You were supposed to turn them on before she got here."  
  
"I'm sorry CJ. I forgot." Sam answers meekly.  
  
The entire garden looks like, well, quite frankly, a movie scene. "What the hell is going on CJ? I swear to God, I will find a new way to maim you!" I must look ridiculous. I mean, I'm sitting on the ground in a dress that looks like it ran away from the circus.  
  
Wait a minute. The entire garden looks like a movie scene. I'm dressed up like a princess. Now, if this is following the general blueprint, Prince Charming should be coming out...right about now.  
  
And at that exact moment, I saw him.  
  
He was wearing a tux, and leaning casually against the gazebo as if he had nothing on his mind but whether or not he was going to play tennis tomorrow.  
  
I'm waiting for it: the patented Josh Lyman smart remark. Or even better: the "Donna why aren't you working?" speech. I can't wait. It would just make tonight all the more special. Maybe if I crawl away slowly he won't notice. Or even better, I can set up a diversion. I wonder if CJ still has those flairs.  
  
"Donna, aren't you going to tell me how handsome I look?"  
  
I wouldn't know. My eyes suddenly got all watery. Must be the lighting.  
  
"Donna?" Josh looks really worried. "Donna please say something."  
  
"I'm going to kill CJ." Sniffle. "And Sam." Sniffle.  
  
"Okay...Donna? Did I...I mean...I think there may have be some crossed..." Josh looks completely lost. "I thought this is how you wanted it to end."  
  
"What" sniffle. "do you mean Josh?" Sniffle.  
  
"Well, CJ said that you wanted to be wooed, so I thought that this would make you...wooed."  
  
"Josh...I, I thought that you didn't..." Well said.  
  
He comes over to me and kneels down. When I finally get enough courage to look him in the eye...well, I never thought a man would ever look at me the way Josh did at that moment. His eyes spoke volumes. "I'm not really sure how to say this." For once in his life the Great Joshua Lyman is speechless. "Donnatella Moss, I love you more than anything else. I'm sorry I had to trick you into thinking that I didn't care. But CJ told me how you wanted it to be all romantic, so we came up with this plan."  
  
Aha! I knew CJ was working against me. For some reason though, it doesn't bother me that much. I think it has something to do with the fact that Josh is kissing me like he just got the news he was being sent of to war tomorrow. Yeah, I think that has a lot to do with it.  
  
So, ladies and gentlemen, this is my story; this is how I fell in love with and won the man I plan on marrying at some point in my life. Josh insists that we are together now because of his ingenious planning, but we all know the truth. We all know that the greatest criminal mind of all time planned this scheme.  
  
That's right. My mommy.  
  
So ladies, when your mother tells you she's coming into town to fix you up with the man of your dreams, don't run for the hills.  
  
Instead, do everything you can to stop her, because that just makes her more determined. And there is no one more determined than a mother on a mission. 


End file.
